I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
