it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
