actually, I'm a sock model
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
