Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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