In the future we'll all be gay
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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