Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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