i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
