After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
