the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
