How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
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I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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