So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
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OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
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being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize