Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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