Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
