Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
