he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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