moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize