I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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