I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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