Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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