4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
