Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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