Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
