I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
