i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
