He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
