I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
