Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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