Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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