so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
