paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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