i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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