Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
