My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
