If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
