Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
