the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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