Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
