I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
