A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
