my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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