I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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