im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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