Three words: puerto rican gang bang
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
