Sponge bath it is.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize