we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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