If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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