her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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