evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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