she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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