weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my being single is dangerous.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
