A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
