In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
