We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
