sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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