Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
