Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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