What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
