We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
