My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
