I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
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Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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