I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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