Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
