Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
