you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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