please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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