I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize