if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
