Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.