So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
