Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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